it's doable

the brief foray down the carpeted cardboard stairs of my b&b into the breakfast room alight with humphrey bogarts and tammy fayes beefing up on blood sausage to walk through ireland was enough to send me back to bed. with little disgrace, as it was still three hours before the irish locales even think of opening. their stock of hangover grease and acid-munching tea hasnt even come in yet from the windowless vans zipping through the dawn.
nor have i come in yet from where i was before. and before that.
my teeth have a metallic coating on them that could be grounds to call the hospital, or at least the dentist. but i know it's still the remnants of cafe con leche and 9am bedtimes. and despite feeling like an incarnate of the Canadian influenza of 1918, aching and tinny, i quite enjoy the symbolism. my second and third toes on both feet still have no feeling, or rather feel as though they were cut from the hand of an ape and attached because they're about the same size. that's from the tango shoes. note, not the ski boots of my last ten days. pleasant discrimination to make. and a sufferable reminder of my "lifestyle," a word that i learned in argentina is painfully american.

i'm here now, though, and my muscles want to be used. i can hear the cells mourning their dead brethren during roll call when i walk back up the stairs after breakfast. panting. but, there is a conspicuous void in my consciousness where i was once before.
i want to do nothing. and yet feel the guilt of young-age and twelve seconds of sun tugging at my cut hems.

to be expected i suppose with a routine of hemispherical switch-hitting and pre-packaged salami.

last night i thought it a good idea to run a hairdryer over my TV dinner because i havent a microwave.
and i called my friend in austria just to tell him so.
case in point, she's not all there.

it is strange to be back here. but stranger i think to feel like more of a stranger than when i came the first time.

that will take all of the enlightenment i can muster to sort, and enjoy.
which doesnt leave much hope, since i have enough trouble leaving my quilted sheets.
could be that i'm embarrassed for the house-keeper to find the drool on my pillows, but everyone has some vanity.